Ernest Graves
So that was the way I felt the Army wife has quite a responsibility, because if she lets
herself get down, then it spins off on the children and it snowballs and it's very bad. But
the boys and I had a good time.
Q:
Does it get progressively harder to get upbeat about these things? Or does it get
progressively easier? Or does it matter?
A:
I wouldn't say. I never had a problem with these things. I knew from the beginning
there would be many separations. I certainly knew Ernie should go and must go to
Korea, that he must go to Vietnam. And no, I never even thought about it. I guess I
was peculiar. But all these problems that are now coming up about wives and families
never occurred to me. You must remember that my point of reference among the
military had been more to separations of two or three years during World War II than
just one year.
That was his career pattern. I was prepared for it long before we were married. The
letter he wrote to my father asking to marry me said, "There will be times when Nancy
cannot join me." So, you know, it never occurred me to make a problem about these
things. It was my idea that I should make the best of it for him so that he wouldn't be
worried about the family. I think he always had confidence in my being able to cope
with the children, which I did.
Q:
Judging from what you just told me about Ralph's comment to his friends, your kids
were pretty well equipped to deal with it, too.
A:
I think so. But I made a conscious effort to develop them that way.
Q:
What kind of a father was your husband?
A:
Oh, I think he's a great father. He was not the father that went to the ball games and
watched from the sidelines. But he taught them all to read--all four of them--took the
time to teach them to read.
He was always wanting them to think about what was going to happen next. He's a
very far-sighted type. I mean, through all of this construction and remodeling of our
house, this has been one of the things he has emphasized. He can see what would
happen next if such-and-such was done this way. So that is the guidance he has always
given the children--not to belabor, "what do you want to be when you grow up," but
to think about it and to plan as you went along so that you had options when you got
there.
Q:
Of course, he was an only child.
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